Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
