My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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