when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain