eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.