The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
3 2 1 whiskey
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
