i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
