So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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