guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
