What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
