just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize