She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This toilet bowl is my home.
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