Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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