Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
