she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
