Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
