does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish i was in the wii world.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
