Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
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I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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