I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
