Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
