C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
