i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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