my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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