My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
