As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
