I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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