One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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