This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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