whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am available for nakedness
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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