so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
