I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
