remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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