Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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