I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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