He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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