you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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