Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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