i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
