it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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