I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
