RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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