Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
