We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
