how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
