i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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