I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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