We're like a lot better than the average bears
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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