I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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