You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
