you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
