I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
