Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
