Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
