Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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