my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
