im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
