News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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