I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
