is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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