sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
