I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
