dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
