i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
