am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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