I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
