Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
