Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
