Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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