Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
