you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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