I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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