so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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