I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
