I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
