good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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