The brown eye won't let me do that either.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He has the fingertips of a God
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