Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
