that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
