You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
