Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
