hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
