Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
