taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
