Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
