I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
