I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
