Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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